color key — blue: mental health; yellow: relationships. contrast of light and dark correlates with bright and somber tones of voice.

Anything You Want

Anything You Want

Anything You Want

Anything You Want

This past year I have severely struggled with my mental health, a newly developed sleeping disorder, and a heart-wrenching breakup that made me realize I had been neglecting my friends. I felt at a complete loss of identity because I had always been the strong, loyal, dependent friend…and now I felt like I was 16 again and plummeting beyond rock-bottom (a place I refer to as Actual Rock Bottom —ARM if you feel like it). It was like the world was suffocating me with every little thing it brought my way — a new project, a plan to see family, a payment off of my credit card, a text message I hadn't read yet — simply because it knew I couldn't handle it. And, even after a year of this, the struggle didn't stop. My head spins when I'm reminded of an assignment, or I'm invited to a new event, or someone out of the blue messages me. But giving up can't be an option because I've always fought for my right to live. That's sort of what we all want: to live. We don't choose to live solely for the bad. It's for the good memories, the happy emotions, and the hope for a better tomorrow. 

Sure, this past year was rough, but I also made beautiful new friends, discovered new blogs, and found a resilience in me I had lost years ago. I don't have to be the strong, loyal, dependent friend because I, and those around me, don't define each other with limitations.

I can be anything I want.

You can be anything you want.

© Midnight Woman 2021