Cariann

/Cariann

About Cariann

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So far Cariann has created 10 blog entries.

I have survived

abuse and assault. I have survived depression and anxiety. I have survived toxic relationships. I have loved and lost and loved again. I have survived the death of many people close to me. I have survived the 10-hour car ride to get here. I want to show people that it’s okay to talk about difficult subjects. I want to show others that they can fight too. I want to show people that personal progress is not a straight line. I have survived my physically and mentally abusive father...

I have survived2019-06-22T14:54:30+00:00

We met when

I was nineteen. My best friend and I drove to a nearby city for a concert because we had a car and the means. He was in one of the bands and he noticed me. That’s every girl’s dream, right? A boy in a band who has a handful of groupies and yet, he notices you. But he was a man with a lot of pent up everything – an addictive personality, and not a single clue of what the word “no” meant. Sometimes I think I wasn’t vocal enough, that I let him live in a lie...

We met when2019-06-18T16:29:13+00:00

It was my

18th birthday. In my country, that’s our legal drinking age. I went out with a group of friends. Anyone who knows me will tell you I make friends easily, mainly male friends. One of the people I went out with that night was a male friend. We met at uni, and I said he could share my bed with me that night because two of my other friends had taken up the spare bedroom. For me and my friends, female or male, sharing a bed is platonic, normal...

It was my2019-06-12T12:42:52+00:00

Nobody really

talks about what it's like to have an out of body experience. It's a very surreal and unnerving feeling. Only in therapy did I learn it's a way to cope with an immense amount of trauma. But because no one discussed mental illness around me, I was lost in a world with no doors. I just figured not wanting to get out of bed was my new normal. That even though I smiled when I didn't want to was something people just expected of me...

Nobody really2019-06-10T10:25:16+00:00

This is my story

of abuse and domestic violence. For the first time ever, I'm the one telling it. When I was a teenager, I graduated from high school early. I got a job, saved up my money, and tried to think of what I was going to do for the rest of my life. What I wanted for myself wasn't practical to those around me. I'm a lesbian who grew up in a very religious household, in an extremely broken home. Growing up, I had a lot of issues with self-worth and body image. I was told by my family that...

This is my story2019-05-29T10:39:43+00:00

I’ve never been

one to have a temper, but now it is my white flag; it is my wolf howl. I am proud to be angry about what manages to phase me. I don't make promises, but I promised my twenty-three-year-old self that, of all the things I force backwards down my throat, anger will no longer be one of them. But I will be frugal with my temper like my dad was with his cash. I know the difference between waiting in traffic and feeling like your arms that have held babies, your legs that...

I’ve never been2019-05-07T20:46:16+00:00

I am a woman

in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math). More specifically, I have both a bachelors and a masters in physics. Physics is roughly only 20% women nationally, so I'm used to being the only female in a room. Many of the men studying physics today don't see a problem with me being female; however, there is a portion of them that I have to constantly fight — mostly for them to believe that, yes, I do know what I'm talking about....

I am a woman2019-05-07T20:47:43+00:00

The stomach is

upset. / The brain is buzzing. / The anxiety is building. / So are the tears. / So are all of my feelings, / All of my fears. / The added stress on top of it all / This ginormous wall / I can’t get past. / I don’t know how. / Please tell me. / I don’t want to feel this way. / I’m tired. / I try to climb the wall / I’m out of breath, panting. / The wall appears impenetrable. / I wish it would just disappear...

The stomach is2019-04-08T23:13:41+00:00

I’m in my

mid-twenties. One and a half weeks ago I got the news that I was selected for my dream job. I’ve been working toward this since I was 18. When I got the news, I felt the happiest and healthiest I had felt in a long time. I finally did it. A few days after getting the job news, I found out I was two to three weeks pregnant. I saw everything start to slip through my fingers. Years of hard work disappeared as quickly as water down the drain...

I’m in my2019-04-07T12:06:55+00:00

Deafening

numbness is what’s left after your first sexual assault, swamping over you like dark fog rolls in from the ocean. After your second, the numbness has already taken up space; it’s infected you, and thus you feel as though nothing has changed. It’s familiar. Nothing at all has changed. I have always been vocal about my experiences with mental health. I write poetry and blogs...

Deafening2019-03-27T19:15:05+00:00