I don’t know
why I’m nervous to write this. He should be the one embarrassed of how he made me feel. Why am I embarrassed about how I dealt with it?
He knew the power he had over me. He chipped away at me. He put me down. Then he said he loved me, so I played along. I pretended to think it was normal because he loved me.
After we broke up, I’d never felt so free. I didn’t know what it felt like not to be living in a constant state of anxiousness and fear of his words, his reactions, his rejections.
I haven’t experienced it yet but I know now how it should feel when you’re not settling. I know now that I don’t have to.