color key — yellow: relationships; green: relationship to self. contrast of light and dark correlates with bright and somber tones of voice.

It's There, Separating Us

It's There, Separating Us

It's There, Separating Us

It's There, Separating Us

I realized recently that my friends aren't quite what I thought they were. 

One argument showed some true colours that continue to bleed through, no matter how much the wounds are treated. There's a rift now that looks to be here to stay and I can't help but feel more comfortable knowing that it's there, separating us. 

I cancelled all my summer plans with them and took a two-month job abroad. I bailed on a weekend trip to focus on my university work. Not because I'm actively trying to distance myself, but because I'm allowing myself to do what I want to do. With no fear of missing out or feelings of obligation to always be part of a solid regiment of attractive young women. I want the job abroad for me; to experience everything that I can while I'm able to. I'm throwing myself into my work because I love what I'm doing and personally, I think grades and attendance are important.

It was difficult to remind myself that I am allowed to have my own plans and other friends separate from them at first because it feels like I'm now an exile in the group, the least favourite friend. But I'm settled into this new position as the clique's pariah, and I feel like I belong more now than I ever did. Because I am doing things on my terms and living my life to the fullest with no restrictions.

Letting go isn't easy, nor is it painless, but it could do you a world of good.

© Midnight Woman 2021