color key — blue: mental health. contrast of light and dark correlates with bright and somber tones of voice.

Jobs

Jobs

Jobs

Jobs

I lost my job. That genuinely was one of the worst days I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know who out there has experienced being fired or let go but it’s genuinely one of the worst feelings. It’s embarrassing and it’s disheartening. I didn’t really love my job so I wasn't sad about not working there anymore, but I was more sad about having to start over and apply to new jobs.

Applying to jobs is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You send out hundreds of applications and emails and you feel like they just go off into the void. You start to lose hope and then you get excited because you received an email. However, the email says “Thank you for applying, but we’ve decided to pursue other candidates” or however they want to word the rejection. Or you get a phone call about an interview, and you go in prepared to blow them away because you know you’re qualified. You might even walk away convinced you killed it. Then you receive word that they hired someone else with “more experience.” Job searching is tough and it can be mentally exhausting.

It’s six months later and I’m still exhausted. I’m tired of applying and I’m tired of getting my hopes up. I’m tired of saying no to things because I can’t afford it and I’m tired of worrying about how I will pay rent. I’m ready to have a purpose and I’m ready to exercise my skills. When will I get to that point? When will I receive good news? I’m hoping soon. To anyone else who is in this boat with me, we’ll reach the shore eventually.

© Midnight Woman 2021