Smallest Things

The smallest things remind me of him.

The way my friend turns pages in his history book; the thick, black-banded watches always worn on the left wrist; that calculating look that a classmate gives me. 

I am chilled to my bones. memories flood my brain and I can’t put them back in their cages. I desperately wish to forget him and everything he has done to me, yet he is stuck in my life forever. 

I can’t look at someone in the eyes. I despise being touched on my shoulder or back. The idea of being intimate with someone scares me. Relationships scare me.

The smallest things remind me of him, and they are the ones that hurt the most.