color key — blue: mental health; yellow: relationships. contrast of light and dark correlates with bright and somber tones of voice.

Until I Can Rise

Until I Can Rise

Until I Can Rise

Until I Can Rise

I remember the way your lips brushed against mine the first time you kissed me. Electricity pulsed through my veins, my mind screamed: you're actually kissing her after all this damn time! And you... your sweet lips kissed away all of my sorrows; your fingers tangled in my hair, you gave me the attention and devotion that I craved. You acted like my body was a temple that only you were meant to explore. So, I let you. I let you take off my clothes, one layer at a time until I was bare naked and exposed. You asked to go down on me and I felt like the luckiest girl alive. That you were giving me this attention, that you wanted me that way. How could I refuse? The passion I felt, the closeness I felt to you, it made me feel like the adult I pretend to be. We laid in bed and you whispered how sweet my body was. How good I was. How you never wanted to leave the bed. I didn't either.

And then, the airport turned into a place of sadness. You walked away, and we fruitlessly tried to stay alive, but technology can only get you so far. You pulled away and now I feel empty. That day at the airport you took my heart with you. Blackness creeps up on me every day when I know you're probably whispering those sweet things to another beautiful girl that you met. You'll take her to bed and you'll treat her well. She'll be the luckiest girl alive. Meanwhile, I'll be forgotten. A distant fuck. My heart aches every time I think of you. I long for the sweet release of being normal again. Every girl I meet, I can't look at her, because I think of you. Someday I'll be rich and whole again, but for now, I'll rebuild my temple. I'll build until I can rise and try again. Because of you. 

© Midnight Woman 2021